grateful

i wonder sometimes for being freakin' clumsy
keep blaming my own self for all those awkward moments that i made
until one day this came to my thoughts while in the bathroom
could this be a gift that God gave to me
being so incapable in relationship, unlike everyone else
sucks at communicating
moreover at being normal
later that time there will be someone,
not a boy
not a guy
but a man that can understand this
so i am done with the last mistake
that i hope i will fucking not repeat it again
while imma repairing myself
til appropriate enough with the real thing
and so i am thankful for this incapability
also this freedom that sets me free
allows me to enjoy my youth with no bridle
cause i see all those problems they have in their temporary time
suffocating them with bittersweet words a.k.a bullshits

yep
there is always a bright side of what you're incapable of

but i may as well waiting for the karma to come
that i don't mind, as a matter of fact.

life (yours, mine, ours)

i jst dnt know why.
Sometimes i think theory of companion for everything that you do is exagerrated.
Or maybe im jst too in-codependent.
People said that i am independent.
Sure, for me taking a cab to the hospital ER (emergency room) is not a problem.
I even set it become a trend, though.
*trendsetter sigh*
Or maybe watching movie alone in the cinema.
Literally in the middle of couples.
Really, i've just experienced it last night while watching Jurassic World
Couples on my right and left side, im on the third seat, five rows of it.
And there were they, giggling, cuddling and allthose gross stuff.
Okay who am i kidding, of course i want that someday, but not today, not these days.
Or maybe like now, when i am writing this shit down alone in a cafe behind the campus.

But really, this is what is needed sometimes, some space and some time for myself.
With no one would even care to judge.
Hell, they wouldn't even stare.
They are busy with their own business.
With their unsingle lives.
And chaotic bullshits.

You must think that im crazy
And antisocial
Well you aren't wrong, actually.
I am just being in that kind of phase.
Humanity-needs-to-be-restored phase.

The thing is, i cannot be normal
That's one of many reasons why i am happy with this single life
And drawn myself back from society many times, making people wonder and ask me from time to time
Makes me also wonder how long i will keep this patience and then let it burst

I don't want to make people suffer from what i really am

Ofc people wear masks anytime anywhere anywho
And mine is too many
It feels like being a chameleon
To adapt wherever you are to avoid enemies
So keeping a safe distance is the only choice

Nevertheless, not being yourself will take time sooner or later to make you realize..yah.
Doesn't feel right, right?

Now i decide i will try to throw away those masks.
Unless it is really needed to face the fakers.
Haha what's the point