feeling bad.

Inside out.

Lara

Head's burning
Weight's burdening
Nose's sliming
Mouth's sneezing

I just hate flu so much it hurts

Release

Dark.
Darker.
Darkest.

Something's pulled me into the grey area.
No, I don't mean that.
No, the truth is..as a matter of fact, i've been there all the time.
But the intensity grows, tho.

After all this time, I realize well enough.
That I always took two steps forward, and four, even five steps back.

I let go the good chances.
I pulled myself away from the happiness that actually can happen to me and everyone else around.
And the regret follows, always the same time, in the end.

This is such a waste.

And the thing that really freaking sucks to be wasted is you know as well,

time.

Growing up, growing old

Aging.

Everyday.

This body, this mind, and this soul.

Or do they?

Year by year, realizing how fool I was being.

Year by year, it felt just like that

"Hey, look! Another number! Yeay i'm getting closer to my death!"

Celebrated with a sack of breath filled with CO2, or here with water and eggs and so on.

Yep. Growing old, they said.

Back to the same date from when I was born.

Which will mark the plus one.

And tomorrow will be the nineteenth.

Age is just a number.

The behaviours will be judged based on it.

No matter how bad or how good you're trying to be.

And me privately, I just want it to end soon if it could.

I have a pity on everyone who was, is, will be dealing with me.

Especially the one that's being confused because of moi.

Everytime I think of it, all I say is the f word.

I'm getting upset because myself, but however I cannot repair it.

I keep falling in the same hole.

I learn, but I don't remember.

I hear, but I don't listen sometimes.

I grow old, but i don't grow up just yet.

Well i'm sorry.

I'm sorry that it takes too long.

But i'm just not ready, not now.

I'm not 'there' yet.

I'm still looking for the right path.

Hope God will be guiding always.

And I'm on my way to believe it....

*sorry if i'm being too self-centered,  yeah I quote the last sentence from the last sentence of The Only Exception lyrics by Paramore.